Tuesday, March 21, 2006

I Hope Things Change

I feel myself dropping into one of my depressive slumps again, one of those periods where I really don't want to see anyone, and I just feel my energy, my will to live fading away....

Here's the funny thing: I spent most of today in business meetings on chocolate projects (and by the way, I got up early - that's 5:00am early - to dash off in an hour the piece of work I'd delayed for almost two weeks) and I bet if you'd ask any participant in any of the meetings how I appeared, I came across as dynamic, humorous, and self-confident.

And then I come home to my big apartment, and I just sort of slump down in front of my computer and/or watch tv and/or take naps. I've got a fair-sized library of books, almost all of which I've read and re-read, but thinkng about it now, I haven't read serious book or even finished a book, in at least a year.

I'm in the midst of some sort of intellectual/spiritual entropy wherein my brain is rotting. Or at least, I'm not using any part of my brain not needed for daily interaction with people and keeping up appearances of normalcy with the world.

I just feel listless, and that's another thing: Since I went through those two bad colds, starting just around the beginning of the year, I really haven't done any physical exercise at all. I haven't gained much weight, if any, but that's to the good, actually, since I need to lose weight.

Physical exercise would do that, but lethargy reigns supreme for the moment. It's like I'm in sort of emotional/mental/physical limbo.

Energy, where are you? Motivation, where are you? Enjoyment of life, where are you?

Blah. I need a nap.


Mermaid Girl said...

Chocolate projects??

Tambopaxi said...

Hi, MG, and thanks, actually, the chocolate projects are both going well. I think depression is often (not always) a irrational/illogical phenomenon; could be chemical or whatever. I've never noted the dates of my downs but I've wondered if there's some cyclical aspect to it; I should write down the dates sometime - although I've done that I see in the posting! Hope you're doing good, woman, take care, T